So close... Yet so much left to cleanup

I woke this morning with a plan to get out of the house a few minutes earlier than usual.  That ended before it even started.  Ben (3 years old in May) had been awake about an hour and dropped a deuce in his Pull-Up.  No biggie... Except that he tried to change it himself.

Ben tried to clean it up (and to his credit didn't do a bad job for someone his age.)  He didn't get it anywhere outside of the bathroom and even in there it was pretty contained.  The diaper was in the trash and all the tissue was in the toilet.  There were some remnants on the floor, and the toilet seat, and a few  spots on the wall.  I threw the bathroom rug in the shower and Ben in the washing machine and wiped up the rest with Lysol surface cleaner.  

The best part was the first thing he said to me this morning.  "Daddy, I pooped!  But it's ok I cleaned it up." 

For all of you who are freaking out right now and getting ready to call child services:  My child is healthy, well cared for, and smarter than you so don't worry about 'saving him' from your unfounded concern.

Deluge Hydroplane

Steps to hydroplane a black Acura TL in front of me in traffic this morning:

Step 1: Be stupid.
Step 2: See big puddle.
Step 3: Slam on brakes just before hitting said puddle.

This has been a public service announcement for the moron who nearly pooped on my day. Instead I just pooped my pants.

Next time maybe you can do what grown up drivers do and brake smoothly while gripping the wheel a little more attentively.

Congrats on making it this far dude. I'd be surprised if you weren't also a communist.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

No time to be sick

Dear #sorethroat,
You are not welcome here! I have a full day of work tomorrow, I have to pack, wrap up some things around the house, and the drive 4+ hours. You should find yourself a lazy bum who eats Cheetos all day and watches daytime tv because if you try to setup shop here I'm going to blast you with whiskey, OJ, honey, and lots of Allman Brothers.
There. You've been warned. Now move it along before I go all John McClain on your ass.
Healthily,
MLONF