Thoughts from MLONF

Twelve Days of Christmas - Breakin' it Down Like a Fraction!

2011-12-23T08:24:00.001-08:00

There is one Christmas Carol that has always baffled me. What in the world do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge that won't come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of the Church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.

The partridge in the pear tree represents Jesus Christ.
The two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments
The three French hens stood for faith, hope, and love.
The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
The five golden rings recall the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit-----Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit-----Charity, Joy, Peace, Patience [Forbearance], Goodness [Kindness], Mildness, Fidelity, Modesty, Constancy [Chastity].
The ten lords a-leaping were the Ten Commandments.
The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful Apostles.
The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in The Apostles' Creed.
So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how a strange song became a Christmas Carol...so pass if you wish.

So close... Yet so much left to cleanup

2011-03-29T21:24:00.000-07:00

I woke this morning with a plan to get out of the house a few minutes earlier than usual. That ended before it even started. Ben (3 years old in May) had been awake about an hour and dropped a deuce in his Pull-Up. No biggie... Except that he tried to change it himself.

Ben tried to clean it up (and to his credit didn't do a bad job for someone his age.) He didn't get it anywhere outside of the bathroom and even in there it was pretty contained. The diaper was in the trash and all the tissue was in the toilet. There were some remnants on the floor, and the toilet seat, and a few spots on the wall. I threw the bathroom rug in the shower and Ben in the washing machine and wiped up the rest with Lysol surface cleaner.

The best part was the first thing he said to me this morning. "Daddy, I pooped! But it's ok I cleaned it up."

For all of you who are freaking out right now and getting ready to call child services: My child is healthy, well cared for, and smarter than you so don't worry about 'saving him' from your unfounded concern.

Deluge Hydroplane

2011-03-09T05:02:00.001-08:00

Steps to hydroplane a black Acura TL in front of me in traffic this morning:

Step 1: Be stupid.
Step 2: See big puddle.
Step 3: Slam on brakes just before hitting said puddle.

This has been a public service announcement for the moron who nearly pooped on my day. Instead I just pooped my pants.

Next time maybe you can do what grown up drivers do and brake smoothly while gripping the wheel a little more attentively.

Congrats on making it this far dude. I'd be surprised if you weren't also a communist.

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No time to be sick

2011-03-03T22:48:00.001-08:00

Dear #sorethroat,
You are not welcome here! I have a full day of work tomorrow, I have to pack, wrap up some things around the house, and the drive 4+ hours. You should find yourself a lazy bum who eats Cheetos all day and watches daytime tv because if you try to setup shop here I'm going to blast you with whiskey, OJ, honey, and lots of Allman Brothers.
There. You've been warned. Now move it along before I go all John McClain on your ass.
Healthily,
MLONF

If I Had Only Known

2011-02-05T23:52:00.000-08:00

Thursday night, February 3rd, we said goodbye to our friend Samson. Some of you know him as the "little" brown dog. He went out for another unsanctioned roam around the neighborhood and was hit by a car. He served a great purpose in our lives and we are so blessed to have had him for the little time that we did.

Even after he was gone Samson was still contributing. It was a pretty normal event for him to get fast food bags out of the trash. He had a knack for not only eating the leftover fries (and sometimes ketchup packets), but for dessert he would shred the bag into several tiny pieces. I never understood it, but apparently it gave him pure joy because he did it ALL the time. Several times before that I had been upset at him for it. At that moment I just wished he was still there.

So I started cleaning up his last food bag shred-fest, and every time I would think I was done... another piece. Eventually I was laughing through the tears, because I realized even then he was helping me grow. I've never been good at "stopping and smelling the roses". This made me promise to myself that I'm going to be much better about enjoying the blessings that are right in front of me.

This is not a "My dog died - Pity party" post. Yes I miss him, but this is not just a status update. I'm asking all of you to hold me accountable. Help me remember what it's like to wish I had gone for one more walk, or thrown the ball one more time, or let him lick my face just a little more. Because one day I want to be able to look back on my life and say I cherished everything as much as anyone could.

Samson,
Thank you for being part of our family. You gave us so much comfort, joy, and laughter. We are and will be better off because you were here. We love you and miss you, and we will remember you always as a great friend, and a loyal protector.
Love,
The Long's

Bread and Milk

2011-01-09T20:58:00.001-08:00

http://bit.ly/fCEmcF

Saw this tweeted by James Spann. Now I know why people by this stuff when it snows here. For dancing!!! Hilarious.

p.s. Roll Tide

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Two Men and a DraughtKeg

2011-01-04T21:36:00.001-08:00

I picked up a New Castle DraughtKeg from Publix yesterday in preparation for a technical design meeting. I expected to share it with 3 other friends, but through a series of unfortunate events it turned out to be a bipartisan event.

For those of you keeping count, the 5L mini keg contains approximately 12 pints. (at $19.95 that's only $1.60 per pint) That's enough to make a good time of a 4 person event, or a kick-ass 2 person event! So much so, that I forgot to offer my comrade a fine Olivia cigar. (Sorry, Alex.)

I'll skip the boring details, but we floated the mini keg in about 4 hours and accomplished a ton. This will definitely be a repeat purchase. Beer people love draft beer, and this is perfectly manageable, plus it make a great shooting target or home office decoration when you're done.

Bottom Line: Go get a mini keg at your local grocer whenever you plan on sharing a case with a friend. It's well worth the extra $4!!!

Cam Newton allegations

2010-11-10T07:25:00.001-08:00

Running gag:
Give us your best outlandish Cam Newton accusation. It doesn't have to be original, just funny. Nothing dirty and nothing mean spirited please.

1. Cam Newton was responsible for ordering the code red on Private Santiago.
2. Cam Newton taught the Grinch to hate Christmas.
3. Cam Newton didn't properly check the O-rings on the Challenger space shuttle.
4. Cam Newton framed Roger Rabbit.
5. Cam Newton delayed FEMA getting to Louisiana after Katrina.

Keep the baseless allegations going!

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Collins' Hit on Williams

2010-11-08T20:40:00.001-08:00

Before I even get started:
Dallas looked STUPID last night and I'm entirely confident that Wade Phillips can't get the job done.

Now to the point at hand, I'm watching the Packers demolish these guys and all of a sudden WHAM! Nick Collins not only hit Roy Williams head-to-head. Not only did he use his helmet as a weapon. Not only did he hit him after it was entirely obvious that the ball was not going to be caught. Not only were they already spanking the monkey fur off of them. All that aside (ok not really aside but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt) he hit him in the **back** of the head! What about that doesn't scream "cheap shot"?!?

I'm not typically a fan of the NFL and their over protective mamby pamby BS, but fining Collins $50k was a great move. But I'd like to see him ejected from that game immediately, because I guarantee THAT would get his attention a lot faster than making him wait an extra week to get that fifth BMW. And for the record, I don't blame him for having that many of them. They're beautiful cars! But seriously, he purposefully knocks a guy out cold for NO reason and he gets to keep playing the game? What's to stop him from doing that the next 2 plays? What's to stop him from doing that across the field away from the play? Take the coward off the field and let him watch for a while so he can watch his backup take his spot away from him. Make his position coach go over there and yell at him for being an idiot.

But I digress. If only I could find a way for the commish himself to read this very post...

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Double Digits on a Weekday

2010-11-08T20:03:00.001-08:00

I don't know what I was thinking when I said, "Yeah let's do 10 miles on a Monday night." But I'm glad I did!

Brad, Alex, Chris, and I did the first five. Then Brad and Alex dropped off while Chris and I finished the last half. Good times!

According to the Nike+ we did 10.01 miles in 1:28:16 for an 8:54 pace.

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Location:Landale Dr,Sterrett,United States

Band Name of the Week

2010-11-08T10:11:00.001-08:00

Hobo Jug-Wine
Credit: Christian Wilson

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Test post from iphone

2010-11-07T08:08:00.001-08:00

Test blog with iPhone app.

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Location:Woodbury Dr,Sterrett,United States

Circle of Confusion: I was right all along

2010-10-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

The "that's what I said to begin with!" monster strikes again:

Monday:
Me to Carol: Since you're off today Please take the truck to Advance and get them to put in a new battery. That one is three years old and needs to be replaced.
Carol to Me: The lady there said it was your starter.
Me to Carol: Thanks for taking care of that baby!
Me to myself: Shit.

Tuesday:
Me to Bruce-the-Wonder-Mechanic: I need the starter replaced in my truck please.
...hours later...
Bruce to Me: It's not your starter. You just need a battery.
Me to Bruce: Thanks Bruce!
Me to myself: Never listen to "the lady at Advance" again.

On the bright side, I did recognize the problem this time instead of thinking I had an electrical problem.

Anybody in Chelsea, AL that need a good mechanic I highly recommend Bruce Salser. (205) 678-2085

This Day Snuck Up on Me

2010-06-17T14:16:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day onsite at SkyHawke Technologies. I find myself immersed by memories of late night Christmas testing, impromptu golf tournaments, and beating .NET sites into submission time-after-time. During my three years here I made a number of friends whom I hope to remain close to for a very long time. My first child was born during my time here which makes this place such an integral part of my development as a father and husband. If it hadn't been for the people here I would have been completely ignorant to so many things about myself.

I want to say thank you to everyone in Ridgeland, MS who went above and beyond to make me feel so at home. There is a huge part of me that doesn't want to move on, but that would be unfair to all of us. It's times like these that make me sharply realize that life is 99% journey and 1% destination. I'm so blessed for my journey to have taken me here to such a spectacular place.

Earth Day Rant

2010-04-18T01:33:00.000-07:00

Just saw that "Avatar" is being released on Earth Day. I could go on for hours, but the gist of it is that Earth doesn't need a Hallmark holiday and that it ticks me off when people try to brain wash my child with cartoons, teaching him that his very existence is killing the earth. Etc etc etc...

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Grow Grass Grow!

2010-04-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

The Goal - Grass in the backyard (Real grass, not weeds)

I'd like to have real grass in my backyard. However, I have several things working against me.

The Challengers:
* Solomon and Samson - I have 2 large dogs. They're really the least of my worries because they've mellowed to the point that they don't play hard enough to cause ruts and there are enough places for them to relieve themselves without creating any brown patches.

* Level not Flat - The fenced area (about a 1/4 acre) is relatively level, but there are several small mounds and ruts. I can live with this, but it does prevent me from cutting really close when I mow.

* Underground spring - A vein of water runs underground beneath the backyard. This is good for deep roots, but it's a problem when it rains because it takes a couple of days for the water to recede.

* Ignorance - I don't know a lot about growing grass. I've tried several times. I don't know what kind of fertilizer to use. I don't know how much to water. I don't know how much sunlight or what temperature is ideal. I'm a lot better off than I use to be, but I really don't *know* what I should be doing to get really thick strong grass to grow.

Possible Solutions???
Now that I've identified the challenge(r)s, I just need to come up with some solutions for each of these (especially that last one). If anyone has any good suggestions I'd love to hear them.

Sidenote: I've already consulted a professional to "just deal with it". His estimate came in around $6000. I'd love to just do that, but yeah... for $6k the weeds will just have to stay until I figure something else out.

The Automated Home

2010-04-08T10:51:00.000-07:00

I've said for several years now that I want to be able to control all the functions of my house from a web interface. I'm talking lights, door locks, tv, oven, everything.

Saw a commercial for the Schlage Link iPhone app recently. It's based on a subscription service that allows someone to monitor his door locks and lights and such via the web.

http://link.schlage.com/Pages/home.aspx

This brings me to my uber-geeky point: 20 years from now, every household appliance will have an IP address (or at least they should). The fully automated home could happen now, but it would be very expensive and time consuming. However, we are getting closer everyday. Things like the Android Microwave, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSMerma7nBY&feature=youtube_gdata, and Schlage Link are perfect examples of how it could all work. Just think if you refridgerator and cupboard could build your grocery list for you based on barcoded or RFID(even better) labeled products. I'd pay an extra $300 per appliance for a system that 'just worked'.

But as always, big business and gov't will have to champion the effort before it gets to the consumer because they're the only ones with a checkbook powerful enough to handle such "cutting edge" technology.

Until then I'll just have to suffer through and build my grocery list the old fashion way (by asking my wife what we need).

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Warrior Dash - The 5k with extra chest hair

2010-03-10T23:39:00.000-08:00

www.warriordash.com
Saw this on FB the other day. I haven't signed up yet but I've pretty much decided to do it.

www.warriordash.com
What is it? It's a 3.22 mile gauntlet complete with fire, viking horns, mud under barbed wire, climbing walls, and real alligators that chase you through the course! (ok, no gators) But seriously, this is perfect for those of you who are bored with your Saturday hour-long run. Sure I could train for the Peach Tree or some other 10K event, but what's the challenge there? To me this is much more intense - because lots of people can run far, but how many can run far, dressed up like a 12th century conquerer, and go through Japanese game-show style obstacles? Not many, I say.

www.warriordash.com
So who's coming with me?!? *channeling Jerry MacGuire*

www.warriordash.com
Go there. Sign up. Win at life.

Relaxation

2010-03-07T20:09:00.001-08:00

Ben asleep - check
Fireplace - check
Shoes off - check
Recliner - check
Belly full - check
Good Scotch - check
Too many good things to list. Thank you, Lord.

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Choo-Chooooo!!!

2010-03-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

Finally constructed some train tracks for Ben. There are so many things that would have been more productive... but this was more fun! I'm sure he will destroy it with a furious vengeance upon seeing it (to express his appreciation.)

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Ben's AM Farewell Tour

2010-03-05T10:28:00.000-08:00

This morning Ben said "bye bye" to basically everything in the house... individually. i.e. bye bye truck, bye bye fish, bye bye nite-nite, bye bye cookie, bye bye dog, etc. I think the grand total came to about 38 items, and it only stopped there because I started driving away.

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Todo: watch Office Space again

2009-02-12T07:48:00.000-08:00

I've started using RememberTheMilk to track tasks and added the Google gadget so I can use the tasks much like Outlook tasks. I found the example task pretty funny (and depressing). Note to self: Make sure to use the new cover sheet on all the TPS reports.

"Damn it feels good to be a gangsta!"
~Ghetto Boys

Say

2008-10-23T21:51:00.001-07:00

I got a really meaningful voicemail from my sister yesterday. She called to say all those things you never really say to people for fear of being too mushy. It was good to hear, because you know when people say things like that out of the blue they're not doing it for any selfish reason whatsoever.

She's really worked hard in the last several months to improve herself and her life. It wasn't even anything drastic, but really more just a shift in her state of mind which has allowed her to be a LOT happier. It's good to see the people you care about doing well.

I guess every family has their drama and skeletons, but it's your own that always seems like the worst. I'm very blessed to have a family that can work through junk like that. I've learned a lot from all the little (and big) issues over the years and I know they will make me a better husband and father.

So to everybody that may come back and read this one day, know that even if I didn't say it explicitly, I meant to. Even if I didn't tell you everyday, it's not because it wasn't true. I can only hope that my actions have been (and will be) indicative of the words I did or meant to say.

P.S. Thanks for the song/blog title John Mayer.

It's the End of the World as We Know It

2008-10-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

'That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplanes and Lenny Bruce is not afraid.' (whoever that is) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lenny_Bruce

Good news everybody...
It's just a song.

All I hear lately is how atrocious our world is going to become because of the financial breakdown that is occurring. Hey, I'm not that smart of a guy, but as long as there's still food to eat and places for people to live I think we'll make it. Will everyone in America continue to have a 72" plasma screens? Will people continue to be able to live in $500,000 houses that they can't make interest-only payments on? Will every family in America spend $13K on Christmas this year for tons of junk (and next, and next)? Spoiler Alert: no

How on earth did our 'feeble little grandparents' ever make it through such a horrible time as the Great Depression without big tv's and brand new cars every year? How did they manage to even buy groceries without a credit card? It's amazing!!! It's almost like they only spent money if they had actual cash. But who nowadays could EVER limit themselves to SUCH mediocrity? It would be pure torture.

So you say it's worse than that huh? OK, well now I'm worried because that means one of several options are present.
A - Nuclear war is upon us and we should all begin building shelters or making love. (If that's the case I don't think it's gonna matter either way.)
B - An army of zombies is forming in the northern regions of Canada and they're going to attack all major US cities at daybreak on March 18, 2011 (I had to pay an astrologer big money for that date.)
C - There really are 70 something virgins waiting on those crazies that blow themselves up.
D - Barrack Hussein Obama might really be the AntiChrist (Snopes: False http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/antichrist.asp)
E - All/None of the above

Why can't people take responsibility for their own actions? Yes it's difficult, but that's how we get out of the mess we're in. One guy called the POTUS is NOT gonna get it done. I don't care how much of a 'Maverick' he is, or how much 'Change' he calls for. The only kind of change that's gonna calm things down is the kind people put in a big glass jar at the end of the day, and the only way Maverick is gonna help us is if he flips off another mig during a 4G negative dive (while inverted.) I'm not saying things are OK. I'm saying we took several years to get into this mess and it's going to take several to get out of it. It may be the end of the world, but I feel fine.

Afterthought: I wonder how many people read this post and think, "What a moron!" Not that anyone actually reads my blog, but I sure would love to get some comments on this one.

Taxes...ugh!

2008-10-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

I met with my accountant yesterday. It was our initial meeting actually, as I've been looking for someone who's extremely capable (yet still affordable.) He seemed very thorough and knowledgeable so I think he'll be a good one to work with for years to come.

But this post is not about him, it's about the KGB (IRS). The rules and the forms are so complicated it's a wonder anybody can ever get anything straight. I wish there could just be a number, like a percentage, of what I make and that's what I owe - like church. But noooooo!

Here's what really kills me. I could really try to be honest, or really try to skimp the man and either way I'm nervous about it if I don't hire a professional. Maybe I should just read more, but then again I can't find a decent book to guide be. With programming I can get a book and learn how to do specific things. With this I can't find anything except "IRS publications" which are worded so funky and broad-stroked that I can't gleam anything that applies specifically to my situation.

For example, I spent almost a full hour reviewing how to find the number for a baseline for depreciating the percent of my house used for an office. It's not based on the current estimated value. It's based on when it was sold and how much someone originally paid for it and who owned it, who gifted it, who was alive when it was gifted, the color of the inside of an eggshell and how many pop tarts Al had for breakfast. !@#$%& I just need a number!

But I'm not special in this. Everybody moans about taxes and tax season and no one will really ever be satisfied with taxes so long as they exist. I guess I'm just hoping one day we can figure out how to make taxes make a little bit more sense.

Opening MLONF's

2008-10-16T03:12:00.000-07:00

What is a MLONF? We'll cover that in another blog (probably titled 'What is a MLONF?')

I've put off starting this blog because I kept telling myself I'd put it on topwake.com, but never did. So here I be!

I started this blog really as just a place to get all my thoughts out. I see the nifty video icon above and have webcam capabilities (it's a super power of mine), so I'm hoping to add some vlogs too. I hope to cover topics ranging from tech to totally insane. I'll start with the latter just so this opening will have some actual content.

Stories from the road:
backdrop - I drove from 4 hours yesterday. I've included 3 interesting notes from my trip. These don't really serve any purpose. I'm just rambling.

1. Questionable Petunias: Wildflowers grow along certain parts of Bama interstate. They're nice to look at... except when they're not growing any flowers. Then they just look like cannibas. Now, I don't do drugs - I never have. But at that point, even I was thinking, "Boy, it sure would be nice to pull over and smoke a bowl."

2. Do you need one that big?: twss (sorry couldn't resist) But to the point - I stopped at Pilot in Meridian to get fuel and a drink. sidenote - gas was $2.79, woot! There was a sign on the window "Mgr's Special - 44oz - 99¢". I went to the fountain and reach for the bottom of the cup dispenser and grabbed one, (they got bigger as you went down) thinking surely no one would need more than 44 bleepin oz of Coke Zero. But to my utter shock and amazement I held in my hand what I can only describe as a 'barrel'. It was an 88oz souvenier...jug!!! JC and his good friend Peter!!! 88oz?!?! Who the F needs that much drink? My bladder would explode and I'm a pretty decent traveler. But I digress.

3. Shortcut: Apparently there was a giant wreck on I-20/59 that shut down the roadway completely. So traffic was being diverted through exit 17 - Livingston. And I said to myself what I guarantee no one has ever said before "Thank God it's at the Livingston exit." I used to go to school at UWA so I knew my way around. I rolled through campus admiring the... scenery and stopped at Dandy Don's for a double bacon chee. "Dandy Don's - Nobody beats our meat!" Anywho, I got back on the road and ended up 10 cars ahead of where I left the traveling parking lot. Double Score!!!

Congratulations on reading my first blog post. I'm sure you're a better person for it.